The Habanero Cocktail

An enjoyable part of tending bar are the relationships and friendships built with my fellow employees. Five long nights a week we join forces in an attempt to scrape out a living. From the dishwasher to the bartender…we share several common traits. We want to somehow make it through another shift in the service industry without killing someone. We do our best to tolerate each others various personalities under incredibly high loads of stress. We exist on the fringes of economic insanity…paycheck to paycheck…night to night…week to week. My favorite form of escapism from the reality of bartending is getting involved in practical jokes. A good prank at work can magically rejuvenate the soul. So tonight…it was fairly slow at the bar and I went back to the kitchen to see if I could pick up any scraps from the chefs. They must have been bored too because they offered me a bet. They wanted to see if I could eat a habanero. Stakes: Five dollars. I accepted and devoured the habanero. Of course I went through the usual symptoms of eating a ridiculously spicy pepper…with my eyes watering, head spinning, lungs shrinking, and ears expanding…(at least I would have enough for a beer after work)…the chefs seemingly felt some pity for me, and kindly handed me a carton of milk which they assured would help with the burning. I immediately and thankfully gulped down the milk…before realizing something was dreadfully wrong. There was a chunky substance slithering down my throat. No fucking way. I suspiciously emptied the carton into a sink…it was completely spoiled. The chefs erupted into laughter as I realized my five dollars wasn’t so easily gained. They had set me up with rotten milk! I puked the habanero cocktail into the sink to the raucous applause and amusement of the entire kitchen staff. Nice one guys.