I get asked an astounding amount of stupid questions every single night at the bar. It’s a constant barrage of ignorance from both sides…the customers and the employees. I seriously wonder how some of these people tie their shoes in the morning. They must still be using a mirror. If you work in a profession where you think you have to deal with stupid people…it would humble you to step into my shoes as a bartender. Imagine interacting with those same idiotic people after they have a few drinks in them. The writers of Idiocracy hit it dead on the spot. The stupid gene is dominating the human race…and I strongly believe…based on my experiences tending bar…that as a whole…we are dumbing down at an alarmingly rapid rate. So tonight…as I walked in to start my shift…I decided to try to keep a tally on the stupidity by marking down the number of asinine questions I was asked on a cocktail napkin. I kept up fairly well for the first hour with somewhere around twenty marks on the napkin. Unfortunately, as we got progressively busier, I didn’t have time to continue with my census of the moronic. When we began to slow down and finally approached closing time…I thought back on the events of the night and although I hadn’t been able to keep a physical count…I would estimate that cocktail napkin would have had at least 100 pen scratches on it. I asked my final customer…who was obviously well marinated…what I could get for him as a last call? He responded by requesting a Bud Light in a bottle. As I started to reach into the cooler to retrieve his Butt Wipe…he just had to fucking do it…Is it cold? 101. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9-E3G8sk1k
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I think I can translate your piss-beer drinkers request: “Is it cold” really means “Is it so frozen that it no longer tastes like I’m licking the sweat off a feverish monkey?”
People’s comments about drink temperature continue to mystify me. Recently I had someone send back a glass of wine because it was “warm” (though we keep our whites on ice) and told me to bring her a cold one. “Let me just run back to the other bar, to the other cooler with subzero storage conditions…sorry I was holding out on you.” I felt like saying. Instead I had to explain the seemingly obvious: we keep all our wine stored the same way. I offered to chill her glass first.. that seemed to do the trick
Great post accompanied by the perfect video. You’re the best at this Caveman … you’ve created your own niche.
Thanks Mike. That means a lot coming from you! I am starting to throw around the idea of making my own videos. I think it would be a fun addition to the stories!
Now that sounds like a great idea. I love “The bartender hates you!” series, but to be honest although some of the “story-lines” are great, others seem weak. Make some videos, Caveman! You got the keen bartender’s eye … you’ll kill them from laughing.