Blender Terrors

The bar I work at has several blended drinks on the cocktail menu. Like most bartenders, I am not exactly a fan of blender-tending. The tedious process involved in making the equivalent of a slurpee with alcohol is hardly worth the time. I am not a fucking 7-11. I wish my blender would break down and die because we don’t have a backup…well…we do…but thinking ahead…I have conveniently hidden it under a bunch of boxes in our storeroom. If only I can send the current one to the grave, I could say those words every bartender dreams of…86 blended drinks…and would likely enjoy two or three shifts in a blender free working environment before the one stashed in the storeroom was eventually discovered by mismanagement. So tonight…in the middle of the rush…with a packed bar…a lady had the audacity to order a Miami Vice. Half Pina Colada and half Strawberry Daiquiri. This ridiculous cocktail requires going two rounds with the blender to create one beverage. The Bartenders Nightmare. As I grudgingly made the second half of her Miami Vice…I happily decided to grind the gears on the blender in an effort to take some more life out of it. I jammed the top on as the base was running at full speed. It made that screeching sound similar to a hundred monkeys jacked up on steroids frantically scratching a chalk board simultaneously…smoke poured out from the contact point…and the entire bar clenched their ears in disapproval. The alarm call of our primate cousins had been unleashed. The lions, tigers and bears are coming. I apologized for my clumsiness. Unfortunately, the resilient piece of shit continued to work like a charm and I was forced to complete the Miami Vice. Fuck blenders! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7-jZnkTrEs