Miraculous Gratuity

Money is the root of all evil and religion is the tree that it flourishes on. The definition for insanity starts with: A mental illness of such a severe nature that a person cannot distinguish fantasy from reality. If you follow a religion….you are clearly…insane. I don’t give a flying fuck if you want to base your life around a comic book…to each his own…just keep the primitive preaching to yourself. So tonight…we were extremely busy at the bar with the crowd that likes to eat turkeys as a way of celebrating killing and stealing from Native Americans. Be thankful that you weren’t an Indian. Anyway, it was fairly smooth sailing up to the point where I received a miraculous gratuity in the form of one of those idiotic religious cards. Anyone who has worked or works in the service industry knows exactly what I am talking about. No money…just the infinite words of wisdom…Jesus Is Coming Soon…printed on it. Really? Cool. What time? I am getting off in an hour. Is Jesus going to pay my bills you ignorant clusterfuck of retardation? Fuck you and fuck Jesus. Yeah…I said it…fuck Jesus. Bill Maher isn’t the only one who gets to tee off. Two dollars would have helped clear my path to salvation much more than your two cents worth. Maybe if I repeatedly wipe my ass with the card you tipped me with…I will save some money on toilet paper…and justify the energy and time I spent on serving you. What in the hell are you doing in a bar anyway? Shouldn’t you be at home reading your cartoons, or starting a holy war somewhere, or perhaps sexually molesting a young alter boy in a confessional booth? I will see you sunday morning. I’ll be the guy handing out free copies of Religulous in the middle of the proceedings. Heres a little preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0KzVr3zEaU Asswipe.